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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Scars are souvenirs you never lose; the past is never far.

Last Week
I'm watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I and attempting to find inspiration of something to blog about. Perhaps I could just ramble.

Aha... there it is.

As for my last posting about falling in love. Ha. That's not to say that I was or wasn't "in love" with this guy. Let's just say watching everything falling apart and feeling everything slip through my fingers no matter how tightly I held on was...excruciating. Pardon my dramatic tone.

I'm not going to sit here and lament the fact that I've had my heart broken. It happens to everyone. In a way I almost hope it happens to everyone. When I was 17 my mother told me she hoped that one day I would have my heart broken. I gaped at her and naively retorted, "Oh, gee thanks for wishing that on me! Real motherly!" Like I said... naive. When you know love or even just the simple care for someone else you truly value it when it's gone. As a consequence you should be able to value and respect the next relationship you're in so much more. I know the first time I had my heart broken it made me understand just how special the next one was--especially since it turned out to be so short-lived.

Anyways enough of that because like I said, I won't sit here and cry over it [anymore] like all of the sappy "post-secret" tumblr blogs and Tweets and Facebook statuses. I've grown to be almost as irritated by those as I am by those updates that involve the phrase "my wonderful boyfriend did this" or "I love so-and-so more than anything!" I'm all about professing your love. But tell your love, not me.

[1:27 am ] Crap... now I don't want to write about what I was thinking about writing about anymore. I don't really remember what my point was. But I'll leave the stuff I already wrote as a follow-up.

[1:38 am] Okay, I need sleep and ideas. *Save draft* and I'll be back at it tomorrow.

August 1, 2011
Okay so it's not really tomorrow.

I was just looking for some things that I used in the past from classes I took like notes, old quizzes, and the like. I stumbled upon some things I never intended to. I have changed SO MUCH. I don't even have a feeling of nostalgia. I can't describe it. I'm really kind of sad. To think I was so innocently in love then so far from that in less than 6 months later just makes me even more scared to ever be in love again.

Hell, I'm scared of the future period. I have no idea what I'll be doing to sustain myself in the next year. I have this plan of going to medical school but right now I'm waiting for the bricks to fall into place on the path before me while I'm standing on the brink of nothingness. But I've always been afraid of the future.

I suppose the important thing is that I never let it keep me from making the right decisions and choices. So maybe if there was one thing you could gather from this posting, it would be to never let fear keep you from doing what you were meant to do. Whatever destiny you have chosen for yourself you have to go out and make. It takes courage.