Today it's just hit me. Six months from now, I will be graduating from college. COLLEGE. With a double-major degree in two disciplines that don't even go together. When did that happen? Seriously.... Not so long ago I had just graduated from high school. Yeesh.
Okay, so fast forward four years. Clearly, I've been in denial. This is partially attributable to Peter Pan-syndrome; I'm afraid of the future (like any human, generally afraid of the unknown), but at the same time I look forward to the things I hope to accomplish. However, they crept... excuse me, rushed... up behind me and now I'm faced with tasks that I may only barely be able to accomplish.
Really, THANK GOD I'm going to graduate school. I wouldn't know what to do with myself otherwise. I'm worried that someday I won't know how to function without school. Of course I say that, but I find myself in the middle of my most boring supply-chain management or anatomy classes wishing the rudimentary BS were all over. (Haha, get it? BS... I'm a nerd.) Lately my norm has been wishing to stay in bed all day and just watch TV while falling in and out of comfortable snoozes and creating meaningless Google queries and perusing pointless Twitter feeds. I don't do this; how could I? I'm too goal-oriented and over-involved.
Despite all this, I feel like adulthood drowning me. Wow, I sound so enthusiastic.... I'm not blind, I saw it coming. I've come to terms with some of it and enjoy a large part of it. Sometimes the responsibility sucks, sure, but could I imagine giving it up and going back to being under-the-thumb and parental rule I was subjected to just 4 years ago? Not only no, but HELL no. So I guess I could say the transformation is becoming more and more complete by the day.
So what is it exactly that makes you an adult? I'm coming up with a list. I use active voice because I'm coming up with these as I think of them. Therefore there is no hierarchical order, these are just trends in myself and my aging friends that I have noticed.
- You're over superficiality. What happened to the popularity contest? Nobody cares how many MySpace (does that even exist anymore?) or Facebook friends you have anymore. But it's more than that. The petty crap annoys you. For example, I overheard some freshman talking about another girl I know the other day in the most condescending way, for reasons that had no effect on them or their lives whatsoever. I suppose this means growing up allows you to see beyond things that don't really matter. Good, because who really has time for extraneous information these days?
- You FEEL old. Your joints hurt. You're tired ALL THE TIME. It's harder to stay in shape. Pretty soon I'm gonna need glasses and a cane. WHOA CHILL I'm just kidding. But really, I've noticed things that I only 2 years ago associated with old people. For example, I have noticed within only the last semester that I have a much easier time going to bed and getting up super early to complete assignments than I do staying up super late. I used to be completely opposite, able to complete assignments even if it took me until 4 in the morning. These days, I would give just about anything to be in bed before 12:30. Perhaps the most evident part of it is that I have no problem with any of this. Sooner or later I have to adopt normal sleeping habits....
- You follow the news. All of the sudden the only two channels I watch are ESPN and FoxNews. When did that happen? Probably this semester. Classes got intriguing and required that I follow the news. Well, now it's actually interesting. Maybe it's because I now can put it into context and understand exactly how current events affect me. It's also decision-making time. Detrimental decision making time. I feel compelled to be in-the-know, or I'll fall behind in all that I want to accomplish later.
- Your priorities have changed drastically. Okay, so school has always been my number one. However, rather than just being a measure of personal success, it's a means to and end. I'm only here now to get where I want to be later. School maintains precedence, even if for new reasons, but my other priorities have shuffled. I have this thing called a job. J-O-B. Yay. I think? I wait tables. Not great, but it pays the bills. (Wait, what? Bills?) This has taken priority of all those other things I used to be oh-so-committed to. Three years ago, being a student athlete, a member of FCA, the spirit committee, the Student-Athlete Advisory Committee, and participating in ever other little event I could squeeze onto a resume took precedence over everything. Now, all of these seem ...elementary? I'm not sure if that's the correct term for it. Regardless, I used to say "Oh, I have to go to a meeting for such-and-such group;" now, I say "I have to work." Which seems more qualified to employ the phrase "have to?" If I'm honest with myself those were all the things I wanted to do rather than what I had to do in order to support that ultimate means to an end. I could go on for days about how and why this happened and how I feel about it, but I digress....
- You stop whining about responsibility. I remember when I used to complain about having to go the bank or the post office or the registrar's office, etc. It seemed like such a hassle. Today it's just everyday whatever. Oi, so much of this realizing what you have to do... and conceding to it....
That's all I have. I think it'd be interesting to get input from anyone who bothers to read this.... like on Twitter with a hash tag #uknowuroldwhen (<-- the "u" for "you" disgusts me but that's Twitter) or simply in the form of comments. I'm sure there are other more simple, not to mention funnier, reasons for feeling submerged in adulthood, whether you view this as good or bad.
So please, comment away!